When you are young and wide-eyed to everything that is going on in the world, its labels and definitions, its easy to try to mold yourself into your surroundings. You try to become so many things in such little time all the while reality is staring you in the face every morning at 6:30, you’re awake. This is your life and at some time you have to stop pretending. You’re awake to the mundane things of it all, the waking up living to go work, living to go church, living to just be …whatever it is that is required of you at that moment. There’s a word for this , and its called the drift. I’ll admit that for the last two years I spent a lot of time “drifting”. Those years were difficult for me admittedly because for one, I had lost two of the most important men in my life, my grandfather and my father. Two people who taught me completely different things in my life.
Secondly, it was a year of growth, what I mean is my job started making new demands of me and left me to find out if I had what it took to stand up for myself and to voice whenever I disagreed with a decision. The last statement also applies to the family scene as well. For a young 22-year-old, on her first job and getting her footing for being an adult, it’s scary.
As a young Christian, I have to admit that its difficult for me to fully comprehend all it is that I’m able to do. See, I was looking for boundary lines, and I was thinking, “Well, God wouldn’t want me to say no” or “God is good so I have to be good too and not disagree or get angry with people.” But after a while, it started to pile up, and it started to take a toll on me. It’s symptoms were, being unenthusiastic or low energy, desired separation , no inspiration or drive to tackle new things because I honestly felt between God and me, our conversation was lost in translation. So I became mute and I drifted.
But recently I have had a callback. I’ve had a strong desire to respond to God, being purposeful and intentional on my part and in my prayers. I’ve started not to talk, but to listen. I hear God, and now its about why He created me , and letting go of all the other labels that were attached to me. It’s about gaining clarity on a purpose and understanding that though I have faults, I am not faulty. This means somewhere to someone I can help by being intentional, open, and honest about this walk. It’s about looking at what He is and understanding what I am. I hope in reading this, you can begin to identify where you are ,also in reading this you understand you are not alone.
God, We know you are listening. We are confident that you are near and that you care and love for us. Today, we ask that you make known to us those hidden things that cause us to get distracted or sidetracked so that we are able to remain focused. Hear the callback and respond in faith to those things that He has called us to do this day.