“Don’t touch me.”
She walked ahead and caught a glimpse of their shadows splitting apart in the afternoon sun. He called out to her, closing the space between them. The space that in her reality almost seemed inevitable…
His tall build was exaggerated by the height of his hair and his stance. Her five steps were easily taken up by the large steps he took. He was giant in his shadow on the walls and over the railing. So there was no use in running. He wasn’t the type to give up easily and unfortunately she was that type.What was the point anyway? Did she really need him around to take care of it? Millions of people did it every day. She walked forward to the edge of the building, looking down at the cars and people walking underneath. He pulled for her to get away from the edge of the building, and she slapped his hands away remaining silent.
She leaned away from the edge, fighting off the sick feeling that came on all of a sudden. She firmly gripped the railing with one hand and the other over her stomach, a learned behavior that she had picked up since the discovery . Her eyes squinted from the brightness of the day , with an occasional eye roll of the familiarity of the situation, of this whole conversation. I wish he’d go away. She first tried to retract the thought but each second it seemed to be the best answer. He’d be free to make mistakes that would no longer cost her anything. That would be easiest right? He doesn’t want the baby, she thought, she was sure of it. This was all just an act. He’d stay for a few weeks and leave the way everyone else would. .. the way everyone else already had.
“Hey–I don’t know what happened last night but I am sorry okay?” His large hands were now on her shoulders, his bright eyes confused in their color and understanding. He gently turned her around and tried to lower himself to look into her small eyes for a sign of hope. He naturally towered over her and pleaded for her to look up. Apologizing over and over again. She chuckled ,” I am so –sick of the word sorry. You can’t keep saying that expecting for everything to just fall away and magically–” He pulled her shoulders closer, “I can do this Mara.”
She grabbed his hands to move them, but he would not. He instead lifted her chin and set her face toward his. He held her gaze for a while until he was sure that he had her full attention. His firm hold on her gently fell away and starting shooting out from his person, waving in a very exaggerated way. His voice rising and falling. His words coming out rapidly with very little pause in between them. Was he lying now? Each word fell on her head, and into ears. She slowly tried to catch one and then another . Trying to hang onto the ones that made sense as he went on and on and on explaining why.
She stared at his face in every dimension imaginable. In her head, she was drawing him, the lines in his face how they rose and fell in certain places. She stared into his eyes, how honest and wide they were. They were clear and brown with flecks of olive green surrounded by wildly curly lashes hidden under thick brows. Where is that honesty now?
He stopped talking once he noticed that she had stopped responding. He reached for her hand and held it. Running his fingers in between hers.
“Look I need this.” He muttered under his breath. This was new. She was seeing this vulnerability for the first time in weeks and hoped that this would mean what it was she had always wanted. That they’d grow into something stronger and closer. He lowered his head and shoulders, “I know I said I’d be there..it’s just –look just give me another chance.”
She started to rub her forehead in frustration with her eyes closed.
“Don’t say it–I swear I’ll be there. I’ll even come to pick you up.”
“Just–I don’t want to–,she stopped herself and raised her hands and fanned him off, “I’m confused.”
She backed away slowly and asked that he not follow her this time.
Read: Maybe. (Part 1)