INFJs: Does my drive for authenticity have an affect on my relationships?




I’m single. I am single.

That word itself sounds so one-like. In a world where nothing else really comes in ones, except a one dollar bill at a snack machine. It was my recent experience last week at a retail store that really got me thinking about a combination of things really after my experience at a store.

After heading to the front with my things, the cashier started on how the things I had purchased were perfect for Valentines Day.

“Ooh…this would be great for that date night, girl!”
“He is going to love you in this! And the color is great for your complexion too!”

Out of, I don’t know what to call it, a mindless moment I smiled and nodded my head. She kind of persisted on asking what I was wearing it for and due to the fact that I couldn’t think of anything fast enough. She kind of made this (Oh I’m so–sorry) look and kind of apologized for her babbling. Which by the way she continued to do. It wasn’t until I stuck my card into those little annoying chip reading thingy’s that her statement really lingered. I grabbed my bag and went on out into the cold realities of what she perceived to be my life, and apparently something she had to apologize for.

Which was what by the way? The fact that I was buying a top for which she thought I had nowhere to wear it?

There are a lot of opinions out there about how singularity should be defined…

But in our own personal lives, there are still those annoying conversations and forced admittance of what’s taking us so long–and why we haven’t nailed one yet.  Everyone has opinions and suddenly feels the need to tell you where your fall off point is and what the mystery is.

betmvwgycly-ashley-batz (1).jpg

Not to say that a day celebrating love isn’t  important, the world could use it I can attest to that. It always confused me when people asked excitedly, “What are you going to do on Valentines Day?” I think, Oh I’m going to work because my boss doesn’t see this day anymore important than my bill collectors do. I’d mentioned a possible outing with a group of friends after work. and I’d been met with the same sentiment before from family members and coworkers sometimes.

Apologies for nothing being brought by at work for me from anyone special person. As if being single was a problem or something that was rather abnormal. After jokingly reassuring everyone that I had not gone amiss of anything but as to really being able to pin down an answer as to why I, not just me but many of my friends are single.I don’t know. 

Some of the top reasons online as to why many people are single usually come down to a couple of things and one them being personality. If you can imagine if led me to do a bit of a study. What allows certain people to connect versus them not connecting.  I discovered that my personality type is: INFJ, which means: Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging. 

INFJs often appear quiet, caring and sensitive, and may be found listening attentively to someone else’s ideas or concerns. They are highly perceptive about people and want to help others achieve understanding. INFJs are not afraid of complex personal problems; in fact, they are quite complex themselves and have a rich inner life that few are privy to. They reflect at length on issues of ethics and feel things deeply.

In relationships, my personality type comes across as:

“When it comes to romantic relationships, INFJs take the process of finding a partner seriously. Not ones for casual encounters, people with the INFJ personality type instead look for depth and meaning in their relationships. INFJs will take the time necessary to find someone they truly connect with – once they’ve found that someone, their relationships will reach a level of depth and sincerity that most people can only dream of”

Getting to that point can sometimes be a challenge for potential partners, especially if they are the impatient type, as INFJs are often perfectionistic and picky

The Facts:

It’s true!

I’m a very authentic person and when I don’t sense that in other people I have a difficult time relating to that person or group. This has often led me to quit groups or leave people sometimes rather abruptly. In hindsight, I guess it’s possible that I may have lost relationships because of this. I honestly wish I could call them up and talk about it. I definitely don’t regret looking into it.What can I say? I’m complex.

 My Opinion:

If trust is the foundation of any prospecting relationship—how can it also be the reason why a person’s downfall. I believe in any relationship, you should try to bring your best into it regardless of its terms or duration. That doubles as a Christian, we practice doing everything really to a purpose. Everything we do has to be intentional, including dating, having any relationship and even marriage. In my opinion, that can only be magnified if there is an authentic connection between two people. If anything that just makes the experience more complete.

“Authenticity is the gold in a relationship.”

It did not say what my best match personality wise would be. That would’ve been interesting. Nevertheless,  I would definitely encourage EVERYONE to try out the test. The link is posted at the bottom of the post.

According to ThoughtCatalog’s Reason Why You’re Single Post:

I’ll get into a relationship when: Someone you’ve known for an unimaginable amount of time finally wears you down and convinces you that you can take a chance on them.

Admittedly doesn’t sound too original but it can be a bit romantic if you can imagine. In conclusion, I won’t be put into the lonely box that other are willing to be put. In life, everything I am supposed to have is here and if not its on its way.  If you have any single friends, be kind. (very kind) Encourage them, being single isn’t a curse it’s an opportunity for you the know yourself, God and what it is in life you really want and to go and do it…for the long term. I heard one time, “Never stop dating towards a purpose and never stop living on purpose “.



Short term wise…

Go out, see life and end the day with a quiet movie viewing of Funny Girl (its a bit of a tear-jerker). I do want to know what you think, though. If you know your personality type, what does it say about you in relationships? Is it true?

If you are single why do think you’re single? Tell me! Tell me!

Word of Day:

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
― C.G. Jung

Link: www.



2 thoughts on “INFJs: Does my drive for authenticity have an affect on my relationships?

  1. Great post! Funny story, in November I took this test at work and persuaded my coworkers to take the test as well. My supervisor thought the results were interesting (as we have a specialize team from the rest of the building) in which all of our personalities were complimentary of each other. I received ENFJ The Protagonist Personality and it’s one of the most accurate personality tests I have ever taken. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks! It is crazy accurate. After I had taken it I read through and printed out as a reference 🙂 Gosh, I always wanted to be extrovert and before this test I kind of thought I was.I appreciate your kind words and wish you luck in all you do.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s